New York is pregnant. “The Times” leaked the story this morning. No word yet on the child’s gender, though initial reports suggest it will be, at the very least, bi-curious. Doctors estimate the due date to be the third of July, or sometime around Christmas. The progeny is believed to be mixed race, so it will be handsome, though oft confused. The pregnancy comes as good news to the city after years of miscarriages and riverbank adoptions.