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Satire

The Opiate Books Presents Lindsay Lohan Stole My Life: A Satire of the 00s

The book that was too hot to handle in Hollywood and all other mainstream locales (basically just leaving Italy, where scandal is sacrosanct and nobody reads anyway). Find out the truth about the 00s and the butterfly effect of Lindsay Lohan not only on our current Kardashian-Jenner driven culture, but on ex-socialite and underdog Tate Carmichael. Tate Carmichael Lindsay Lohan Stole My Life: A Satire … Continue reading The Opiate Books Presents Lindsay Lohan Stole My Life: A Satire of the 00s

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Essay

Michel Houellebecq As-t-il Raison? Cette pandémie ne change rien? Enfin, probablement.

Waiting for the gradual process of “deconfinement” to occur, the polarizing French writer, Michel Houellebecq (a more hardcore enfant terrible of literature in terms of his unapologetic “white male” opinions than Bret Easton Ellis), at last decided to weigh in on the matter. The matter in particular being many people’s belief that as the world emerges slowly but surely after coronavirus, it will be an … Continue reading Michel Houellebecq As-t-il Raison? Cette pandémie ne change rien? Enfin, probablement.

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Poetry

A Poem About Everything by Rufo Quintavalle

Everything has to startsomewhere but a poemabout everything shouldnot start anywhere per sein media res is better andbest of all is no place atall a poem about everything has no truck withhierarchy or diachronicprogression and makesnonsense of the notionof non sequitur after allas soon as two thingsfollow each other theysequence and segue andapophenia is more thanjust a pretty word poemsabout everything do notexist in the … Continue reading A Poem About Everything by Rufo Quintavalle

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Language

Quelle Surprise: COVID-19 Slapped With Feminine Pronoun by Académie française

Despite the usage of “le” COVID-19 or “le” coronavirus in French conversation and news headlines ever since the plague became such a hot topic of discussion, the Académie française, never an institution to stay silent for very long when the French get too “buck wild” with their parlance, has spoken. And what they’ve said is this: the virus that everyone hates and has ruined all … Continue reading Quelle Surprise: COVID-19 Slapped With Feminine Pronoun by Académie française

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Poetry

Free of Pretense by Dale Champlin

You’d be surprised how many people talk to goldfish. He looked like a young David Bowie,her kid Jimmy, when he came and sat beside my bowl. “You know I’m an addict,”he told me. He talked to me the whole time he spread out his paraphernalia—needle, cotton balls,one of the Old Shoe’s bestsilver-plate spoons. He tied off his arm and flicked a vein to pop it to the surface, addeda few … Continue reading Free of Pretense by Dale Champlin

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Poetry

Stay-at-Home Order by Cameron Morse

I am a child, Ambrose. Today I celebrate my birthduring a pandemic. In my conical party hatI unwrap birthday presentsthough I did not ask, no one asks to be born. I did not choose to be marooned in my childhood homeother men strip of wood rotand reframe, repaint, after their own image. After theyhave finished, it will be as if I were never born. But OK, I’m sometimes OK with that. How many worlds … Continue reading Stay-at-Home Order by Cameron Morse

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Criticism

The Sarah Palins Will Keep Coming: On the Banning of Certain Classic Literature in Alaska

Alaska, already markedly lacking in being acknowledged (so much so that people still seem to think that Texas is the largest state) despite its storied history of having among the highest suicide rates in the U.S. and being sold for the price of a song (7.2 million dollars) by the Russians in 1912, has managed to re-register on people’s radar after a recent and rather … Continue reading The Sarah Palins Will Keep Coming: On the Banning of Certain Classic Literature in Alaska

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Poetry

The Only Sign of Life by John Grey

In the creeping brown streambehind the abandoned textile mill,chemical runoffcurdles the current. No birds to be heard.No squirrels. No painted turtles.Not even a water rat. The sun’s a trespasserpoking around in weeds and grass,climbing down from broken rooftop tilesto peer in at rusty machinery. Then something long and scalyglides close to the bank,head hidden underwater,all but for two red piercing eyes. The town is dyingof competition from … Continue reading The Only Sign of Life by John Grey

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Poetry

The Illusionist by Antonia Alexandra Klimenko

I present to you   an ordinary mirror–   a poem in which I will attempt to recreate a memory   before your very eyes–a dangerous disguiseI must warn you nowdon’t try this at home I am   after all   only a reflection of youThe black dye leaking from my brain is not real  merely the faint imaging of a cheap out-of-date copy machinewet with promiseThe blood leaking from … Continue reading The Illusionist by Antonia Alexandra Klimenko

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