Group Rules by Peter Crowley

Groups are interesting organisms.

The entire cell has to open its mouth to begin endocytosis. Those not ingested, who sought entrance, are apt to resent the group. People amidst the cell hold similar perspectives on people outside the cell and of other cells. However, this does not prevent them from having independent ideas about elements not related to the group.

To get into the cell, one has to perform an expected waggle dance. The dance can be bypassed if one is a personage that the group has salivated upon.

Once inside the cell, attendance is usually mandatory. Otherwise, forgottenness will pervade the group’s mind. If you miss the opportunity to praise other group members a certain number of times, like a final exam, you will fail.

There are peripheral group members who have specific talents or general popularity sought after by the group. Attendance rules do not apply to them.

Falling out of the group.

There are natural ways of exiting the cell, such as when one starts a family, moves away or gets back with a separated spouse.

But there are several unnatural ways.

The quickest is to say something off-color that causes the entire group or a member to feel extremely uncomfortable or angry, causing them to question their identity. For example, it may be voicing a negative view of a group member’s talent or saying that the cell is simply a talentless bunch of posers. It could be an off-the-cuff political remark that one had withheld to gain cell entrance but eventually feels comfortable enough to voice. Group excommunication can also happen should word get out about you sleeping with someone in the group and treating them less than ideal. Rumor-spreading about prominent group members is also a surefire path to exile.      

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