My biggest dream is to not be lonely,
among other things, of course.
Such a big portion of me struggles to reason the outcome,
the past and future all seem a blind torch,
where am I now? a giant theatre.
Now begins the lovely show.
Oh so lovely, the dance of recovery,
nauseating, and awfully slow
So compelling is the rhythm and the music,
sick and revolting,
so incredibly alone.
I must dance, here and now,
The blood will dry by air and mouth
Every spin a carman of ordeals,
Mute and eyeless, soulfully cold.
My biggest dream? to breathe and float,
To not be invisible when I’m visibly lost,
So trifling are my fights and obstructions,
Awake when I’m asleep at home.
The biggest dream—must be youthful and decadent,
I just wish to dream for once.
Alone, alone, inanimate and childless
Spinning eternally in this trance-like dance.