Some people are beasts, Janet thinks, jealously,­­­ at the mall. They’re in their lairs and then they come out into their hunting grounds, and they feed, and they send a scout ahead of the horde, and the other beasts on the other side of the river (the mall has a moat) make beast noises, and the hordes eye each other from either side of the river. Migrating is like shopping, she thinks. Picking up stuff for the journey ahead.

Janet is here to get a pair of earrings for her soul, to accessorize. Because a soul has moods, and times of day it wants to be outside, and colors, and needs to be kissed, and to kiss. Janet’s soul is a spring: those are its colors. Janet believes in the soul, being the great Greek philosopher she is, what Ms. Daniels called her the other day in language arts class.

Who’s more lonely, she thinks, a soul, a Greek philosopher, or Ms. Daniels? It’s like Fuck, Marry, Kill…only it’s not.

A roving band of beasts have reached The Gap, and they’re turning around, all eleventh graders, most she knows. She should have picked an exit strategy, not just Starbucks, as a goal.

The mall is also a racetrack, Janet thinks. Starbucks is a pit stop. Everyone’s driving around with ads on them, too. Like Elsa said in biology the other day, “What’s The Gap, like in life?”

But a soul knows, and sometimes it just needs to go shopping, so watch out, Western civilization. All of the feelings in her own body can be freed, all of the peoples around the world can be freed, her ship will be waiting for her at the end of the day, Janet its queen.

But first Janet needs to be unseen, to get past the invaders and the beasts and the haters, the older kids. She hides in the bathroom, feet up on the toilet in case anyone peeks under. Her soul in a tight, tight ball. Tighter.





Alan Michael Parker is a writer and cartoonist,  the author of four novels and nine books of poetry, and the editor of five other volumes. He contributes a weekly cartoon to Identity Theory, and has exhibited his cartoons in galleries throughout the United States. In 2021, he judged the National Book Award in fiction; he’s currently judging the 2024 PEN/Faulkner Award in fiction. He teaches at Davidson College.