The Worker riffles through the pages of his black binder, going through the motions of preparing for his next meeting. After a moment, bored, he claps the binder shut. No need to bother with this sort of thing anymore. Success like his has its rewards. He stands quietly in the center of his immense office—his sanctuary—each detail of which he has personally chosen. Bright and … Continue reading Walls by Caroline Tilley
Blessed With LiarsBarbed With Choirs.Most OfUs HaveGot Some PriorsPromised Land.Bible Thumper.Jesus DeadAnd God A Trumper.Witness.Preach.Tongue.Speech. Holy Word.Mockingbird. SteepleSharp.Lessons.Harp. Continue reading Promised Land by Charlie Robert
I was born in the haze of summerThe year my sisterBecame a teenagerA silver threadIntertwining us High heels and L.A. GearsWalking side by side1980s babiesIn different tones Practicing her perfected pout in my mirrorHer lipstick. MAC’s Ruby Woo.Dancing in her bedroomGeorge Michael was both of our firsts. As I turned into a teenagerI walked in her borrowed heelsAs she walked down the aisleand into a … Continue reading Silver Thread by Stephanie Watkins
*The following is likely to offend primarily because everything that doesn’t have a vegetative state-level of conviction offends. But I am not here to soothe easily ruffled feathers with dulcet tones and false assurances.* In the “modern age,” it’s widely accepted that the artist can no longer be just that. They have to be everything. Their own one-man self-promoter—a barker in this carnival of horrors … Continue reading What People Really Mean When They Say You Shouldn’t Run A Lit Mag If It’s Not “Profitable”
Something has happened in the writing world recently. A sudden sea change in favor of the repetitious use of a particular four-letter word…describing characters’ utterances. Said. Where once it would have been unthinkable to see such lazy writing (and it is lazy, not “simple,” as many writers are fond of using as a defense), it’s now deemed the norm for “straightforward, unpretentious” writing. Writing that … Continue reading Says I: Against the Repetitive of Use of “Says” and “Said” in Prose
Dear Ms. Esperanza: I greet you at the beginning of a great submissions process. The readers’ reports for CROSS MY HEART were wildly enthusiastic, and though it took me some time to get to it, I’m still reeling from the experience. Last night, I started reading your manuscript on the train and when I looked out the window I was in Connecticut, which was awkward, … Continue reading No Cigar by Charles Holdefer
So there I was, having sex with Joyce Carol Oates, everything going quite nicely, lights low and spirits high—it’s hard to find the words but I felt taken toward another place, a good place, the best, and then an awareness came upon me. No doubt because of the way Joyce was twisting, the angle of her arm, a shift in my gaze and a glimpse … Continue reading Dearest Reader by Charles Holdefer
It’s funny how “the universe” can sometimes make you feel like it gives enough of a shit about you to tailor schadenfreude at your expense. I say this because only this year, seven years after starting The Opiate, I decided to implement a two-dollar submission fee, from which I get $1.64 and then still have to pay a monthly fee in order to use the … Continue reading On Submission Fees and the Publishers Are Pirates Belief That’s Currently Trending
Dear Writer, Thank you for entrusting Hooligan Review with your work. Few trust us with anything. We enjoyed this piece thoroughly, but after careful consideration we could not fit it into our current issue. We tried, with smaller fonts, slender margins and even a shoehorn. Damn thing would not squeeze in. Our editors read your story several times, as we often do with work we … Continue reading Thank You; No Thank You by Max Talley
While all of Bret Easton Ellis’ novels apart from American Psycho are either unknown or underlooked by the general public, the influence of his other narratives is evident in everything from Tamas Dobozy’s “Field Recordings” (a Lunar Park style of writing oneself into the story) to Zoolander (Glamorama). Thus, it comes as no shock that Sloane Crosley’s third novel and first work of bona fide … Continue reading Sloane Crosley’s The Clasp: Like A Sequel to The Rules of Attraction
