If Obituaries Were Like Personal Ads by Richard Weaver

Well-coffined corpse seeks permanent relationship
without attachments or bother. Will consider crypt-sharing.

Recently deceased widower drug and disease free
with good sense of humor would like to meet down to earth
never been married pansexual. Will answer all.

Would like to meet fugly soul-searcher interested in watersports
and rolling on the floor while laughing their asses off. Those
fresh off the boat need not bother.

Chinese speaking corpse required. Must speak in simple sentences
and be able to take orders. Respect for Dalai Lama not required.

Single white shemale Gemini rising looking for long distance
cosmic relationship with like-minded twins. No string theories attached.
Willing to be relocated. Cremated smokers need not apply.

Legally separated from life male in search of long tomb relationship.
Must like champagne and painful long walks along the beach.

 

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